《戴森球計劃》英文翻譯勘誤(二)


3樓貓 發佈時間:2022-09-04 11:05:31 作者:Lykan Language

前情提要:《戴森球計劃》英文翻譯勘誤 (一)
勘誤的標準:語法錯誤,搭配不當,表意不明,中英文內容有出入,typo(拼寫錯誤)偶爾列出但不作為主要內容,並穿插部分可以改進的地方。界面、UI文字建議全部大寫。
話不多說,今天繼續,內容包括界面選項、遊戲內部分嚮導文字。
語言選項後面的註釋需要明確一下是重啟遊戲,不然會有歧義。因此“Requires game restart to take full effect”更合適。
“Tip level”又是不知所云。其實英文不需要寫level,一個Tips就夠了,對應的選項是All/Important Tips Only/Necessary Tips Only。
但這就完了嗎?當然沒有。
涉及Tips的兩個選項其實很混亂,沒有任何提示告訴你哪些是Important,哪些是Necessary。一般遊戲最多隻會給三個選項:All/Necessary/None。《球》不但沒給關閉的選項,還用了(在這個語境下)意思其實很相近的Important和Necessary,實在是有點看不懂。
終於到正經的文案了!摘抄一下:
Witness Forthcoming Type III Civilization! As a member of COSMO and the pioneer of the Dyson Sphere Program, the energy you provide will help the homesteads develop rapidly. This star cluster is now activated, and people have lit up a star in the Milky Way Starmap to remember your achievements, it's an everlasting record of the contribution you've made for the forthcoming Type III Civilization!
先看標題。Witness後面是少冠詞修飾這個文明的,需要加一個表示限定。Forthcoming雖然有soon-to-be的意思,但多是說人,其中還有一點“坦誠,無遮掩”的意思,用來修飾文明顯然不合適。建議修改成Upcoming,或者直接說Future。
正文裡,第一句的“the pioneer”表示唯一的先驅,實際情況顯然不是這樣,需要修改冠詞。此外,第一句話的中英文主語都很混亂。前半句在說玩家,後半句又變成了能源。
中文的“家園”應該是一個有點特殊含義的詞,而homestead一般特指有人生活的聚落,用在這裡顯然也是不合適的。“星區被激活”建議加一個fully。“在地/星圖上”一般用on,而“在銀河系裡”一般用in,請決定好用哪個說法,根據情況配介詞。“銘記功績”用remember顯然太小了,in honor of更合適一點。contribution後面應該接的介詞是to,最後半句話也可以縮在一起。
這段文案正經修改過後應該是這樣:
Witness An Upcoming Type III Civilization! As a member of COSMO and a pioneer in the Dyson Sphere Program, you will surely help your Home grow and prosper with all the energy you have generated. This star cluster is now fully activated and people have lit up a star on the Starmap in honor of your everlasting contribution to our advancement towards a Type III Civilization!
摘抄:
Welcome to the Actual Universe! You may find it is different from our homeland, should you be able to adapt to the laws of physics in a short time. I am your advisor and will help you through this mission.
第二句話的邏輯不對。中文的邏輯是發現不一樣——但是能很快適應,英文成了一旦適應了——發現不一樣。而從常理考慮,也不應該是適應了之後才發現不一樣。最後一句話用詞不準確,這個advisor的工作更應該是guide玩家,而不是help玩家。
真實宇宙——Actual Universe這對詞都很奇怪,但由於是專有名詞,我也沒有那麼瞭解製作組取這個名字的心思,暫且不進行修改。
修改後的這段話應該是:
Welcome to the Actual Universe! You'll find it a bit different from our Home but I trust you will get used to the physics here in no time. I am your advisor and will guide you through this mission.
摘抄:
Everything here is yours! As one of COSMO and the pioneer of the Dyson Sphere Program, you will explore this cluster step by step, by using the resources here to construct the Dyson Sphere to provide energy for the CentreBrain to maintain homeland, starting from scratch. I have chosen a designated planet for you to start the mission, which has necessary resources for initial development. Now please drive the Space Capsule to the planet.
第二句前半句話上文已說過,不再贅述。後半句話則是最經典的亂七八糟不知所云。中文的邏輯其實很清晰:白手起家——逐步探索——建戴森球——提供能量。英文則被一個非常有靈性的by全部打亂了,“建戴森球——提供能量”這兩步成了“逐步探索”的方式,最後還有一個無處安放的“白手起家”。cluster有許多恆星,因此Dyson Sphere應該是複數。家園在這裡的翻譯homeland還可以,但又跟上文的homestead不統一,如果修改可能會漏掉。倒數第二句的chosen和designated語義是重複的,建議去掉後者。
此外,倒數第二句整句話都可以重組一下。
修改後的這段話應該是:
Everything you see here is yours! As a member of COSMO and a pioneer in the Dyson Sphere Program, you'll get to explore this cluster, harness its resources to build Dyson Spheres, and provide energy for the CentreBrain to keep our Home up and running. I have chosen just the right planet as your first stop. It has all the resources you'll need to get a head start. Now, please drive the Space Capsule to the planet.
今天的糾錯就到這裡。結尾依然是NeverKnowsBest的經典片段。不得不說今天那個靈性的by似乎跟這段視頻裡的錯誤很像呢。
開場幾分鐘的截圖今天才講了一半不到,可能我得過好幾周才有機會再啟動《戴森球》了。


© 2022 3樓貓 下載APP 站點地圖 廣告合作:asmrly666@gmail.com