結尾有重要聲明,一定要看!
本期摘要:機甲相關內容翻譯勘誤。
《戴森球計劃》英文翻譯勘誤系列鏈接:
點擊跳轉
勘誤的標準:語法錯誤,搭配不當,表意不明,中英文內容有出入,typo(拼寫錯誤)偶爾列出但不作為主要內容,並穿插部分可以改進的地方。此外,界面、UI文字建議全部大寫。
摘抄:
Mecha Core Energy The mecha consumes core energy when moving, gathering, building, replicate items, and using its lab research technologies. The core energy bar and value are displayed directly below the screen. When the core energy is insufficient, all activities will be restricted such as slower move speed and unable to research, etc. So, you need to pay attention to the use of mecha core energy at any time. Once the core energy is insufficient, you can click the Mecha panel (C) button at the bottom-right corner of the screen to open the Mecha panel and resupply fuel into the fuel chamber.
第一段話建議重構一下,結構改為“xx會消耗能量。看xx查看能量水平”。
第二段話的第一句還需要進一步明確一下,能量不足時哪些行動會受限,受到什麼程度的限制。寫給別人看的說明類文檔一定要說得儘可能細緻明白,不要漏掉也不要留灰色地帶,更不要像夢遊一樣寫成自嗨的散文。
按鍵的問題第二段依然存在,只需要說“按C鍵”就夠了,不需要說“按機體信息鍵打開機體信息”,信息冗餘過多了。這句話的邏輯也有問題,並不是能量不夠了才可以打開面板補充能量,而是隨時可以操作。
修改後的這兩段話應該是:
Mecha Core Energy Moving, resource gathering, building, replicating, and researching with your mecha consume energy. Check your mecha's core energy level at the energy level bar at the bottom of the screen. Insufficient energy level restricts your mecha. It will move slower, unable to conduct research, (補全所有限制而不是說等等). Press [C] or click the mecha icon at the bottom right corner to open the Mecha Info panel. Drag energy sources into the fuel chamber for energy resupply.
下面兩段:
Converting fuel energy into core energy through the Fuel chamber will recover the core energy of the mecha. The Fuel chamber's power is higher, the speed of energy recovery is faster. In the early stage, gathering trees and plants on the planet can obtain two primary fuels: Logs and Plant fuels. Coals are also good fuel choices.
上面兩段修改過後,這裡第一段的第一句變成了廢話,因為跟上文重複了。第二句則可以整合進上一段。
第二段則有一點可有可無。如果要說能源等級,建議把所有能源和對應等級都列出來。或者乾脆不說,只在能源對應的詳情窗口內寫上等級或能效。
因此這兩段的最佳解決方案是:
The higher percentage you have in your fuel chamber, the faster your energy will regenerate.
合到上一段,後面全刪掉。
最後一部分:
High-grade fuels not only contain more energy than low-grade fuel,but they also increase the mecha fuel power, allowing the mecha to recover energy more quickly. In addition to the Fuel chamber, the mecha core also comes with a weak power generation. You can move the mouse to the value at the right of the core energy bar to view the specific usage details.
第一段有一點很迷惑。上文說過剩餘能量百分比會影響能量恢復速度,那麼更高的輸出功率是怎麼帶來更快的恢復速度的呢?
第二段也很迷惑。中文“自帶供電功率”,似乎是說即使不燒燃料也能有一點點能量輸出。英文又成了“發電功率”,跟上文的“能量恢復”是一樣的意思。
修改後的這三段應該是:
Higher-grade fuels contain more energy as well as boost output from your mecha's fuel chamber. (第二段沒法改,因為不知道要說什麼) Hover your cursor at the energy level bar for more information about your mecha's energy level.
面板信息摘抄:
Durability 1500 Core Energy 140 MJ Move Speed 6 m/s Core Generation 80.0 kW Fuel Generation Lack of fuel
第二行其實是指機甲的最大儲能,Core Energy就有一點模糊了,不知道是當前能量還是能量上限。
第四行“核心供電”應該是指燃燒室最大功率。
最後一行則完全可以刪掉,因為這一行只在燃燒室內有燃料時才有效,而這時完全可以在燃燒室附近放一個數字顯示即時功率。這樣也可以避免最後一行“缺少燃料”幾個字的尷尬,因為這裡無論是寫Lack of Fuel還是N/A都不對。燃燒室沒有輸出功率的問題不應該是缺少燃料,而只是因為玩家暫時沒有向裡面放燃料。
最後,customize應該改為customization。
修改後的這幾行應該是:
Durability/Energy Capacity/Movement Speed/Maximum Output/全刪掉
最後是一張放在哪一篇似乎都不太合適的圖:
我們只關注電磁學的說明,其他內容放在下期講:
Maxwell's equations poetically describe electricity and magnetism intertwining. With a deeper understanding, machines can be created for acquiring and using electrical energy with high efficiency.
這項科技的命名其實有一點問題。麥克斯韋方程組是近200年前發現的,到了能製造戴森球的年代,這個方程組肯定不需要“研究”了。最好將名字前加一個“Advanced”之類的詞語表示對這方面的理解特別深入了。
第一句想寫得花一點,出發點是好的,可惜結果有點亂七八糟。第二句想表達的意思大概也對,但是需要全部推翻重寫一下。
修改後的這段話應該是:
Maxwell's equations are a poetic interpretation of the fantastic interactions between electric and magnetic fields. With a deeper understanding of these equations, you can now harness and utilize electricity much more efficiently.
今天的內容就到這裡。
一點點總結,已經要成為老生常談了:
- 寫規則的時候一定要簡潔、準確、不留空子。做遊戲的人也許非常清楚這個功能是幹什麼的,但寫不明白的話,玩家就沒法知道究竟是怎麼回事;
- 寫規則時一定不要自嗨。有些話只是“想一想很酷”,或是有足夠的水平寫出來很酷,水平不夠的話就會讓人一頭霧水;
最後是一個簡單的聲明:《戴森球計劃》英文翻譯勘誤已經更新了兩個月了。感謝大家兩個月以來的支持。之後由於我個人精力的原因,沒法保證周更這個系列了,因此本系列將變為不定期更新。
P.S. 下期全是Matrix Lab的內容!
P.P.S. 說是不定期更新,其實兩三週還是能寫完一篇的!